Here at Grillust Towers we take our cycling very seriously.
Luckily for us, the tour of Britain visits our fair city on an annual basis. Here's our recap of 2016's visit.
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The big draw this year (again) was Sir Bradley Wiggins, fresh from his Rio Olympics success (Gold medal for the Team Pursuit). 'Wiggo' was delighted to visit Carlisle once again, saying (possibly) that among other things, it's got one of the best TK-Maxx's in Britain and as he was on the hunt for some new desert boots he was hopeful of another Gold, in that regard.
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A pair of desert boots, yesterday. |
The first sign of Bradley's imminent arrival was his team's vehicles bagging the best parking spots out the back of TK-Maxx.
It's a little known fact that 'The Wigginator' has, as a result of wearing a helmet that was several sizes too small for much of his early career, a very bad memory and as a result his team are forced to write 'Bradington's' name on all of their kit - like a Mum does to a 6 year old's school clothes - just in case he gets distracted by some paisley pattern and becomes separated from the group.
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Spare bikes in case one or two get misplaced (we assume) |
As everyone knows both a shopping trip and a 188km cycle race really only get underway with a visit to a coffee shop. Whytes Cafe & Bar was 'Wiggly's' choice for a cuppa. Look at the spectators amass to thrill as their hero orders a coffee. Did he have sugar? Did he have milk? - a little? a lot? The debates rage and have already taken their place in local legend!
(side note - we don't know if 'Big-Bad-Brad' had any, but we can vouch for the quality of Whyte's cheese scones).
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We'll probably never know if 'Wigston' had a Whyte's cheese scone. |
Finally it was time to race. 'Brad Fit's' race tradition, if you don't know, is to take a pre-race selfie with his lucky dog 'Little Captain Pedal Paws'. The crowds gathered to share in this famous tradition, and what a spectacle it was!
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Say "cheese scone" |
And with that, they were off.
But, as is often the case, 'Christopher Wiggins' had forgotten something, this time, his helmet. Here he is his, shamefaced, returning to the 'big van with his name on' to retrieve the much needed safety precaution. The rest of the riders, used to such last minute muddles, milled about outside WH-Smith's and waited for him. They're good like that.
It turns out that 'Truly Madly Bradley' was 5th last. So that was rubbish.
But still better than these misinformed riders who were refused entry on the day.
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Reasons for refused entry from top left: Too many wheels, too foldable, too much luggage, too many engines, a dog. |
And to end on...
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ignore the distorted baby and look at all those bikes |
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ignore the bikes and look at that castle |
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ignore that man with a giant head look at that man with a giant head |