We must warn you that we are about to show you images so disturbing that in all probability they will sear themselves into your memory, haunt your waking hours and provide an endless source of material for all of your future nightmares.
Still interested in reading on?
Very well then, Ladies and Gentlemen, Boys and Girls, welcome to our own (non-Kennel Club approved) Pedigree Dog Show...
For the last week our second year Design and Illustration students have been breeding (well, making actually) their own pedigree pooch, bred to very exacting Grufts™breed specifications.
Rather like the similarly named 'Crufts' (we must get our lawyers to look into that) Grufts™ features many preliminary rounds devoted to specific breed types. The best in each breed going through to compete in the world famous 'Best in Show' with one of them becoming the ultimate 'Show Champion'.
Let's have a look at a day that produced a roller coaster of emotions...
Waiting to be called to the judging ring, a clearly nervous Shona (21) and her Secret Service Dog. Please note the cunningly hidden arse-rifle and worryingly situated 'grabbing arm'.
As you can see, the Secret Service Dog was a hotly contested round. However, Shona (still 21) needn't have worried as her magnificent beast came through to victory!
This Secret Service Dog couldn't take the pressure and collapsed. Happily it was revived by the application of a few staples and some strategically placed masking tape.
Here's the winner of the Huntin', Shootin' & Fishin' Dog round. Please note the sensible head ware and highly practical 'Marigold' leggings (for boggy going).
Here's one you won't forget in a hurry...
Is it a bird, is it a plane? No, it's a lighter than air Dirigible Dog. This one was actually rocket powered!
Designed by Sir Jonathan Ive, the Apple I-Dog in brushed aluminium and perspex.
Here's a pair of Hipster Dogs, commonly seen on the streets of Shoreditch and Hoxton.
How could the mind of someone so angelic looking (Rhian, 21), crate such a mentally scarring, horrific aberration (The Sausage Dog) of a beast?
Liam (21) with his Mighty-Morphin' Dog. In its natural state (left) and after a lightening-quick (2 minute) transformation into a massively impressive robot (right).
The 'best in show' judging was conducted by top canine experts and T.V. personalities Mr. Peter Purves (right) and Ms. Clare Balding (centre).
The judges champion and 'Best In Show' was Miss Lauren Mines (who resolutely remains 21) and her Lap Top Dog 'Lady' (Lady Gaga-d'Gucci-Acer-Intel-4GB RAM-von Ribbentrop-Marmalade).
Here's Grillust's very own judge Mr. Dwayne Bell (33). The expression would seem to indicate that he's clearly been impressed with 'Lady's' exquisite hindquarters.
Alongside the judge's champion there was a 'popular vote' winner. Here's a delighted Liam Robinson (21) with his Mighty-Morphin' Dog 'Timmy'.
All in all, an excellent event that will become part of the social calendar in no time at all.