Saturday, 12 February 2011

Cumbria Band Names™ (Edition II)

Friday 11 February - Typography Feedback + Assessment Groups
We saw some excellent work but unfortunately the band names were few and far between.
It was a dull, overcast day and this is probably why the names we created were at the darker end of the musical spectrum. There's nothing here for aspiring 'New Folk Revival' duos or aspiring 'Twee Pop' chancers, you'll have to try again next time...

The Worst Widow in the World
Nineteen piece comprising: vocalist (1), guitars (6), bass (6), drums (5), triangle (1).
You will be clad in black (of course) but to demonstrate originality your signature look will be based upon 'The Wicked Witch of the West', from out of the film 'The Wizard of Oz'.

In your 'mind' your live shows will have the pyrotechnical production values of Kiss or Rammstein. In reality they will resemble nothing more than a half-spent sparkler, waved by an over-excited toddler on a dank and dismal November 5th .
Further advice: Get in touch with Eddie Stobart if you ever consider touring.

Volatile Typeface
Only to be used by groups from Sheffield.
You think that Cabaret Voltaire and Einstürzende Neubauten have too many 'tunes' and with this in mind have dispensed with conventional instrumentation. Your 'aural statements' will be created using the following samples: angle-grinder, galvanised dustbin, toddler in a tantrum and angry wasp.

Further advice: 'Selling out' is letting others hear what you do.

Brutal Nuance
Grindcore's first romantic duo (him and her).
Your 300bpm ballads (lasting no longer than 15 seconds) will explore all aspects of romantic love. Every conceivable
nuance will be examined, images of tenderness, yearning and loss will be evoked and all using metaphors and similes drawn only from the torture chamber and/or slaughterhouse!
Further advice: When performing live, sit side-by-side on tall bar stools, hold hands and scream romantically into each other's face.


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